Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The Convergence Point

On Monday February 6th, 2017, I had scheduled a healing call with my dear friend Justin Elledge, who is a Buddhist Healing Master. I met him when I first started my Angel Project in Los Angeles back in August 2012 and was new to the area. He was in a VIP room giving healings to people at an event called "The Knowfest" when I walked in, and we made eye contact. For unknown reasons, we were drawn towards each other, and he simply placed his hand on my elbow, and BOOM:..... I was showered with a profound blast of Heavenly unconditional love energy, that was so powerful that I busted out into tears upon the touch of his hand. At that moment, I knew he was one epic person, and I wanted to learn how he did that.

                                               Photo: Justin Elledge and I back in 2012

I since went to his Buddhist temple and took the Medicine Buddha class, so that I could learn some of their healing modalities. I use the healing chants in my sessions on clients to this day.

Anyways, back to Monday February 6th's phone call with Justin. He ended up walking me through a meditation and breathing session I'd never done before. During this exercise, I had an interesting experience:

He was mentally taking me to higher planes, which he called portals. Then suddenly he like clapped his hands and said something about a convergence, and when he did that, it was like I was standing in the Matrix movie, during the part when Neo and Morpheous were inside of a pure white existence all around them, that was computer generated.

The only difference in my case, was that I was aware of shadow behind me. The messages that I received were that the future is like the pure white room, not having any form yet. Everything seems uncertain and unpredictable. You never know what each day will bring. That you have to look at each day as its own unique package with various blessings and lessons. You can only be in the here and now, because the future has to substance yet and the past goes into the "shadow". Like this convergence point was standing on the line of the yin yang symbol between the duality of light and dark. While we can't know for sure what the future holds for us, we do have a part in creating some of it.

It was pretty epic. I felt very at peace and calm during and after the session. I figured I would write it out while it was fresh on my mind, and share the experience with you so you can interpret it however you wish to.

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel
Written 2/8/2017        


Monday, January 23, 2017

The LSD Experience

Disclaimer: Please read this with an open mind, without judging me for trying a new experience of my own free will choice.

Saturday 1/21/2017-
{Continuing story from my last blog entry: "Burn Out"}
I had been feeling overwhelmingly burned out in recent days, extending back into December 2016. Many heavy emotions of sadness, anger, and despair had been releasing from the depths of my soul.
It was almost more than I could bare, but I did...

I pulled together what little energy and effort I had left in my body to get dressed for a big music and dance event in the spiritual community that was happening in downtown Los Angeles.

As I got close to the venue, I gasped with how crowded it was, cars stacked up and people jammed the streets everywhere. It almost felt as bad as being in Time Square, New York City. I thought to myself that it would take a miracle of God for me to find a free parking spot with it like this. I prayed and asked for a spot. Low and behold, I turned a corner, and there, almost like it was waiting for me, was a free parking spot. God and the Universe had made it happen. I happily parked, and put on my angel wings. I grabbed my old reliable poster that says: "Be Kind. Be Positive. Be Giving." And started making my way the one block walk towards the venue.

Just a few steps along the sidewalk, and I found a big poster just leaned against a trash can, like it too, was put there just for me. It proudly had printed on it in big red letters: "I March for ALL Woman-Kind." Seemed perfectly appropriate of a sign for me to promote, considering all the various posters of unity, peace, and positivity that I have been promoting for over 4 years now, all over the country and social media. I happily collected up the new sign, and took it with me into the event. Luckily, the owner of the event knows me, and supports my Angel Project mission. They let me in with my posters, knowing that I mean well.

As I was wondering around promoting my giant new poster, a "tall, dark, and handsome" guy appeared beside me. We began to chat, and I told him about my Angel Project. We hit it off and had a lot in common, discovering we were both from my hometown in Texas and went to the same college in different years. I never got his full name, and he doesn't live in Los Angeles, but what he offered me that night changed my life...

After hanging out with him for probably an hour around the event, he suddenly offered to give me LSD. I was immediately unsure, and I'm always VERY cautious about drugs, both prescription and recreational. I'd never tried it before, but I have actually heard "good" things about it from others. I told him that I'd have to go check in with some of my friends who look out for me, and let them know the proposal, and get their opinion. The old friend I approached about it actually seemed shocked and surprised that I'd never tried it before. He seemed to give me the green-light, and said he'd keep an eye on me. So, with some reassurance that my angel brothers would have my back in case anything went wrong, I decided to go for it. Take the risk and try something new.

The guy took out what looked like a round mint sort of. Since I'm so small in size and a light-weight with low-tolerance to pretty much everything including alcohol, I only bit off half of it.
After a little while, all I knew was that I felt just "good" and "happy" in general. But I was generally having a great time, the event was cool and the guy was fun to talk to.

Then I began to yawn, and I took that as my "cue" that I should leave. It was about 12:12am. It's my MO {mode of operation} to leave events around midnight because that's when I start getting tired, plus the later it gets, the drunker and more drugged out other people get, and their "dark" sides come out, so I like to vacate the premise, for my safety and comfort. Besides, IF I was going to feel anything from taking it, I preferred to be home safe in my sanctuary away from strangers to experience it.

So, the guy walked me to my car. He was very concerned about me driving having just taken the LSD, but I felt completely fine and assured him I was ok. I drove safely home, and took a shower. Then it finally started to kick in.

What followed, was an epic mind-altering life-changing experience that I will never forget.

I felt WIRED. Like 12 cups of coffee only not with the caffeine scatterbrained agitation that goes with it. I was running all over my apartment doing things, but it felt like I was operating from a "higher level of mental cognition" than usual. {If you Google spiders on drugs" IMAGES you'll see that the spider on LSD made a cool-looking web, compared to the one on caffeine that was all skewed and bizarre.}

Eventually, I decided to slow myself down and meditate on this substance, to see what my experience would be. So I laid down in the middle of my living room on my back, with my eyes closed. What I saw, will forever stick in my memory. I don't even have enough words to accurately describe the fascination and beauty that I saw behind my eyelids. The best words that I can describe it are: Even though my eyes were closed, creating a "blackness", this blackness was alive with rainbow-colored light, taking the shape of shape-shifting sacred geometry patterns, moving rapidly in all directions like a combination of fireworks and shooting stars, both crashing into each other and moving away from each other. If you look up the famous modern day artist Alex Grey, and some others, they have been able to paint or draw some versions of these images. It was EPIC.

Then, I realized, if it's so cool with my eyes closed, what would my experience be like with my eyes  OPEN? So I opened my eyes and just stared at my lumpy white ceiling. Within seconds, my ceiling came ALIVE with movement and colors, swirling with majestic beauty and grace like a Monet or Picasso painting.

Then I decided that I would stare at a rug on my wall. I have 3 different rugs on my wall, each with their own unique patterns and colors. The first rug that I stared at was my favorite experience of them all. This particular rug is covered in various flowers and leaves patterns. When I set my focus upon it, the whole thing became like a 4 or 5 dimensional experience of colors and movement that seemed to stick out from the wall. The flowers looked like real lotus blooms, with each petal gently dancing in a soft breeze. I verbally exclaimed "Holy Shit!!" It was just so amazing I even cried a little because it was so beautiful. I couldn't believe this type of experience was possible. That my mind was capable of producing this sort of perception from a "flat" image of a rug.

I took turns meditating on each rug to see what it would look like. My second rug was exceptionally rainbow colored, and moved like an ocean with a sunset reflected on it, even though without LSD it looks just red and gold lines and circles normally.

I couldn't close my eyes or sleep, until about 8am, when I finally realized that I was feeling tired, so I attempted to go to bed.

I felt like this experience made me realize that I do have a massive impact on my reality, but in an amazing co-creation with "God" or the "Universe" or whatever word you want to assign to whatever fills our life experience that our 5 senses capture as stimuli and is processed through the mind for interpretation. It lead me to believe that I am indeed a speck of God spark, experiencing the world through one little pair of eyes, and yet I was able to feel connectedness with both the dust floating around my apartment air, and the particles in the emptiness of outer space, that all is connected. All is beautiful and sacred, holy, and magnificent.

I've been a supporter of DARE ironically, and I encourage people NOT to try drugs like heroine or meth. I used to be a Supervisor for 2 years at a facility that housed women recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, and what I saw was definitely sad and not pretty stories of women who hit drugs hard, and the consequences they suffered for it. HOWEVER, based on my experience, others may want to consider trying a little LSD at least once in life. Just make sure you're in a safe environment, let a close trusted friend know that you're about to try it just in case, and have a TON of water around to drink!!!

~Mandelyn Reese

P.S. Any negative feedback will result in me blocking you.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Burn Out

Today was a historical day in American History. An *estimated* 750,000 people, {the majority being women} marched in downtown LOS ANGELES and millions of others in the streets all over the country, promoting a whole variety of different posters. Some were positive, some were hopeful, some were dark, some were fighting, some for unity, some for peace, some against Trump....

But something was missing.....and it was me. The Street Angel missed out on the epic Women's National Day to March. Why? Would be your immediate question..

Because I was burned out. I'd hit a wall. I fizzled out. I've been so tired, so worn out.
I've already been Marching all over America for over 4 years with my angel wings and various posters. I literally had no energy left to give. I tried to get out of bed this morning, but my body was DONE. I had to go back to bed. I couldn't even get myself up until 1:30pm. I had to give MYSELF a break. The word "hibernation" entered my mind. I needed to recharge.
What has happened to me?
I don't really know what I'm going through, as a soul, as myself.
I've been feeling lost, confused, wondering if I should move back home to Texas, or move somewhere totally new?
I have no idea what's next for me.
I feel like I'm in this weird limbo stage.

Luckily, by like 6:30pm, I finally was able to step foot outside of my apartment. I managed to drag myself to the grocery store. I put on my angel wings, and walked around the store, like I always do.

I have to forgive myself for missing out on this historical day, for women everywhere. But I have to give myself a break, and credit. That I've been doing the best I can, until I can give almost no more.
My blood, sweat, tears, body, strength, energy, money. Devoted to my mission.

The Universe, God, had my back though. Because I finally got up enough energy to go out to an event, and on my walk towards it, I found a Women's Day poster. I was grateful. So I marched around with the sign from my car for a few blocks, with crowds all around, while I made my way to the event. They know me at this event, they know about my mission and what I've been striving to do. They let me pass in, with my wings, signs, posters, the whole 9 yards. I was grateful.

I missed the daytime March, but I did my own in the evening, with the energy I had left. Besides, I do the poster March most days of the year anyway. :)

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel
1/22/2017  1:30am

P.S. Could my dress be anymore EPIC and MEANINGFUL TODAY?! In memory of Princess Leia, Carrie Fisher. Her role in Star Wars was epic for women in general.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Dear Beloved

Dear Beloved

I have loved you every single day, thought about you every day, woke up thinking about you and went to bed wondering about you, every day...for four years now. All I've wanted is for you to love me back.
//I wonder if you know how that feels. Sometimes the despair in my heart feels so overwhelming, like it's too much to bear, and I have to find some way to cope with the emotions.
I've tried to move on, I've wanted to get over you, but I haven't been able to.
My heart seems hardwired to beat for you. If you could look into my chest, you may see your name tattooed somewhere on my heart. It's been burned there. I can't forget you. I can't seem to move on.
I think every cell in my body yearns for your love.
I've wished so many times for you to be back in my life.
I wonder how we would be together.
I wonder if you'll ever give me, us, a real chance.
I daydream about how I would act if I saw you again. I have so many mixed {and painful} emotions that I'm unsure how I would react.
I find myself seeing that I'd say I have no idea how to act around you.
There is no handbook, there is no guide for knowing exactly how to deal with our situation as it stands.
So many fears we both deal with.
Wondering if we're good enough, wondering if we're worthy. Wondering if we'd fight, wondering if we'd make up and be friends.
There are so many possibilities of outcome, and I can't predict the future.
If I could go back, if I'd been a different person, maybe if I'd have been a bit more spiritually mature, I wonder if I would have acted differently.
I feel like I don't regret what I did, because that's how I was authentically feeling at the time, much like right now.
If you're not honest about your romantic situation with a different romantic interest, complexities are inevitable to arise,
I loved you so much, and I love you still.
I wish you could just love me back,
And maybe apologize for all the years of pain, confusion, hurt, and rejection. That's what my "ego" wants. My soul has loved you for what feels like lifetimes, unconditionally.

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Heart has a Memory

I believe that the heart must have a memory. There is a noticeable correlation to when you're feeling and thinking about being heartbroken over something, you feel the pain register right in the center of your chest. Metaphysical and spiritual teachers will say that whatever the mind creates in thoughts registers somewhere physically in the body. It's all a uniquely-connected organism.

Just thinking the name of a man who's broken my heart, STILL registers a pang of sadness in my chest. It doesn't seem to matter how many years may have past. And anyone knows that thinking about someone can happen anytime without warning or easily be triggered by something happening in the current moment.

Recently at a dinner seminar event, I sat next to a a guy who said he was psychic and could read people's colors in their auras and chakras. When he scanned me, he told me that I had a lot of yellow color around my heart, that he could tell my heart was sad and hurting. And he was right.

I've done so much healing work of all sorts on myself. I've gone to countless meditations, healing practitioners, and experienced varied unique healing modalities, but I'm beginning to wonder if Frodo's quote from the Lord of the Rings finale that "There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold." My mind remembers the tragedies of failed relationships. The betrayals. Flashbacks occur and trigger pains in my heart. Eventually my heart literally built some armor around itself. A healing worker found a lump formed over my heart chakra. I was able to work on it with essential oils, crystals, and lots of emotional meditation healing sessions. But nothing can stop my mind from remembering. Maybe some heartbreaks are just meant to bother us for an entire lifetime. Maybe that is one gift of death: getting to forget all the hurt and betrayals and going back to a place of unconditional, ever-lasting love: Heaven.

Scientists discovered during a research study that pain from a broken heart registers in the same part of the brain as a broken arm. I wrote a paper about it back in college. I don't remember the exact date, but what does that really matter.

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel

Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Test....

I hadn't been so tired in what felt like years. I don't normally flop down on a Sunday afternoon and just pass out on the couch for hours, but that's what happened. I had been "burning the wick at both ends", as the quote goes.

But when I woke up and grabbed my phone, there, displayed on my screen, was a surprise text from a friend I hardly ever see, inviting me to a private special event on top of a fancy apartment complex, equipped with a hot tub. It felt like an immediate YES, that was something I felt like dragging my ass to, despite my exhaustion. All he really had to say was HOT TUB to get me motivated. Soaking my bones in the hot water sounded like a slice of heaven to this tired angel.

I threw myself together, jammed a bag full of random items to prepare for partying and swimming, then hit the road.

Upon arrival, the scene was even better than the verbal description. I was mystified by how beautiful this rooftop setting was. Even more so by the human scenery....

I was introduced to one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life. He was like an already airbrushed photoshopped GQ magazine worthy Barbie's Ken Doll. I can't really remember what I said to him, his attraction made me temporarily stupid or something. Sometimes specimens are just so beautiful it can take your breath away in awe.

I was the odd bird at the event, very small private party of close friends, but nobody except the host knew me. I felt like I kept trying to do something, anything to fit in, but kept feeling like it wasn't quite working, like I was a bit of an out-cast. So, I did the best thing I could think of, and what had motivated me to get off the couch in the first place: hit the hot tub.

I slipped off my little white summer dress, and eased myself down into the warm water. It felt glorious. Although it was far off from the party, so I felt kinda strange going off and basically secluding myself.

Shortly after I got my soak on, suddenly, the BEAUTIFUL MAN came along and got into the hot tub with me. Naturally, we ended up in conversation, I have no idea who started it. By that time, I think I had finished 1 glass of wine that the host had happily prepared for me personally, and being a light-weight who doesn't drink much, I was already feeling tipsy.

During conversation, the Beautiful Man mentioned the words...."My Wife...." which obviously became the elephant in the room. I asked him if it was this other girl at the party (who was gorgeous and had been sitting near him), but he said she was traveling out of the country for work. He shot me a somewhat devious, mischievous smile, which I didn't know how to interpret at the moment. I was surprised by his admission of her being away, and I asked him how that was going.....long story short, he revealed to me they'd been having serious problems for a long time, over the past year. Then we were interrupted by a new guest coming up to say hi, so our conversation ended. Then he got out of the hot tub and disappeared for what seemed like an hour at least. I went back to the party, mixed and mingled, talked with others, and tried to fit in,

Suddenly, I thought maybe I should leave, it was nearing midnight and that's usually when I like to get home. I said my goodbyes, and left. I was one foot outside of the apartment complex gate, and once I closed that gate, I couldn't get back in, but something stopped me....I flipped a coin, which told me to go back to the party. So I did.

Eventually, the beautiful man reappeared, and began to play a game. I ended up sitting next to him to watch, rotating where I was sitting around the table to not make it look bad or anything. I just wanted to feel like I was a part of the party, and not be alone in the hot tub the whole time.

Anyway, at the end of the night, we all gathered items to take them back to the room, which turned out to be The Beautiful Man's apartment.....

We were all socializing inside the apartment, until the Beautiful Man announced that he really needed to get ready for bed and go to sleep. (It was probably 1 or 2 am by then, I lost track of time). When he said that, I asked him if I could just use the bathroom before I drove the long drive home across Los Angeles. When I exited the bathroom (and I hadn't even been in there that long!!!), everyone had left, and I was alone with the hot guy.....

Now, anyone rational can see the immediate dilemma here...... I probably don't need to elaborate.
Let's just say, the temptation was REAL, and STRONG. I told him goodbye, and he patted the couch next to him, inviting me to sit by him. It took every ounce of my will to back away towards the front door. Something inside me said: "Whatever it is that you're about to do, don't do it." I inched my back closer to the door, until he'd opened it, and I had exited his apartment. Test complete. I, we, hadn't done something that tempted us that we might or would regret later.

Real life......crazy.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Dealing With Rejection

There was this one time I went out on a first date; we'd met online and his profile sounded perfect to me. Everything he said he was and was looking for, matching what I was, and what I was looking for. To my delight, his pictures looked attractive to me too. Upon receipt of his first message to me, I  felt an immediate connection with him. We had a lot in common and similar interests. We set up an official dinner date, and he planned the details. When I showed up, it was a spectacularly romantic setting. I felt like I was walking into a Paris diner, on a beautiful sunset evening. He was sitting at the bar happily chatting with the staff. When he turned around, I was awe struck, he looked even more handsome in person than in his online photos! We strolled to our table, which the staff had carefully selected for us, knowing it was our first date. Our table was nestled next to a little crackling fire in an old-stone fireplace, on an outdoor patio with tiny lantern lights strewn overhead. Delicate white roses bobbed gently in the breeze next to me, while instrumental music could be heard playing in the background. We had the best first date of my entire life. Everything felt right, good, and the conversation went so smoothly. I felt like I could open up and really talk about a lot of things. He was so kind and chivalrous to me and the staff, it was refreshing. After the date was over, he texted me saying it was a momentous night for him, he called his mom to tell her all about me, and asked when he could see me again. We planned to try to meet the next day.... the next day, he was noticeably being distant already. I tried not to put worry into it, but I couldn't figure out why. Then, he told me he needed a rain check and couldn't hang out for the night afterall, so we planned for the next night. By 5pm the next day, I hadn't heard anything from him, so I texted him asking if we were still meeting, or if he'd had a change of heart. His reply sunk my soul. He said meeting me stirred up unresolved feelings for his ex, and he just wanted to be friends. He hasn't spoken to me since. I noticed he got right back on his dating profile though, uploaded an even more sexy revealing photo of himself, and to add insult to injury, he'd added to his profile that girls needed to be at least 5'6" to be compatible with him (I'm 5'4"). So it seemed I'd been rejected for being 2 inches too short for him. I was heartbroken. I know it was only a first date, but it was a profound connection and experience. I will never forget it. Sometimes in life, things just don't work out, no matter how hard you want them to. If it's not right, it's not right, or it could be not the right time. But holding onto to something or someone who's clearly giving you the boot or signal that they don't want you, is reason enough to try to move on. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. You may never know the real reasons if someone doesn't have the courage to tell you to your face. It can feel difficult holding onto faith and having patience for the "right" someone to come along who will be the right puzzle piece for a happy romantic partnership, but when you realize you don't have any other choice in the matter, it may be your only option.

It occurred to me over a week later that it seems like romantic-relationship-seeking is a series of rejecting people and being rejected constantly, until eventually you make a mutual match. Someone who you share a mutual attraction and chemistry with. Your checklist and type you want roughly seems to match someone, and you roughly match what they're looking for, at that moment in time. What people look for in a mate can change over time, as the person changes in their lifetime. With each relationship, you learn a little more: things you definitely don't want to put up with again, traits or behaviors that really don't work for you, but also discovering good things you know that work and are good to have in a relationship. With each relationship being unique, it's unpredictable how it will unravel. Some people find the love of their life very young, like in high school and stay together their whole life. Some people, like a woman I recently met, didn't meet her most profound beloved mate until she was 64 and married him.

One thing that seems important, is you have to do your best to CLEAR your last lover out of your life before you can properly introduce a new one into your energy field. Now of course this method doesn't have to apply to everyone. There are people with multiple lovers, and somehow they manage to all know about each other and respectfully make it work. Some people have secret affairs, some people just "look the other way" knowing that their partner is having an affair. The intricacies for the WHYs for anything going on in any given relationship is only intimately known and understood by the two sharing the romantic relationship. The healthiest and happiest relationships have the best forms of communication and compromise, for everyone's highest good,{ in my opinion.}

~Mandelyn Reese