Saturday, September 17, 2016

Dear Beloved

Dear Beloved

I have loved you every single day, thought about you every day, woke up thinking about you and went to bed wondering about you, every day...for four years now. All I've wanted is for you to love me back.
//I wonder if you know how that feels. Sometimes the despair in my heart feels so overwhelming, like it's too much to bear, and I have to find some way to cope with the emotions.
I've tried to move on, I've wanted to get over you, but I haven't been able to.
My heart seems hardwired to beat for you. If you could look into my chest, you may see your name tattooed somewhere on my heart. It's been burned there. I can't forget you. I can't seem to move on.
I think every cell in my body yearns for your love.
I've wished so many times for you to be back in my life.
I wonder how we would be together.
I wonder if you'll ever give me, us, a real chance.
I daydream about how I would act if I saw you again. I have so many mixed {and painful} emotions that I'm unsure how I would react.
I find myself seeing that I'd say I have no idea how to act around you.
There is no handbook, there is no guide for knowing exactly how to deal with our situation as it stands.
So many fears we both deal with.
Wondering if we're good enough, wondering if we're worthy. Wondering if we'd fight, wondering if we'd make up and be friends.
There are so many possibilities of outcome, and I can't predict the future.
If I could go back, if I'd been a different person, maybe if I'd have been a bit more spiritually mature, I wonder if I would have acted differently.
I feel like I don't regret what I did, because that's how I was authentically feeling at the time, much like right now.
If you're not honest about your romantic situation with a different romantic interest, complexities are inevitable to arise,
I loved you so much, and I love you still.
I wish you could just love me back,
And maybe apologize for all the years of pain, confusion, hurt, and rejection. That's what my "ego" wants. My soul has loved you for what feels like lifetimes, unconditionally.

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel
9/17/2016

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Heart has a Memory

I believe that the heart must have a memory. There is a noticeable correlation to when you're feeling and thinking about being heartbroken over something, you feel the pain register right in the center of your chest. Metaphysical and spiritual teachers will say that whatever the mind creates in thoughts registers somewhere physically in the body. It's all a uniquely-connected organism.

Just thinking the name of a man who's broken my heart, STILL registers a pang of sadness in my chest. It doesn't seem to matter how many years may have past. And anyone knows that thinking about someone can happen anytime without warning or easily be triggered by something happening in the current moment.

Recently at a dinner seminar event, I sat next to a a guy who said he was psychic and could read people's colors in their auras and chakras. When he scanned me, he told me that I had a lot of yellow color around my heart, that he could tell my heart was sad and hurting. And he was right.

I've done so much healing work of all sorts on myself. I've gone to countless meditations, healing practitioners, and experienced varied unique healing modalities, but I'm beginning to wonder if Frodo's quote from the Lord of the Rings finale that "There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold." My mind remembers the tragedies of failed relationships. The betrayals. Flashbacks occur and trigger pains in my heart. Eventually my heart literally built some armor around itself. A healing worker found a lump formed over my heart chakra. I was able to work on it with essential oils, crystals, and lots of emotional meditation healing sessions. But nothing can stop my mind from remembering. Maybe some heartbreaks are just meant to bother us for an entire lifetime. Maybe that is one gift of death: getting to forget all the hurt and betrayals and going back to a place of unconditional, ever-lasting love: Heaven.

Scientists discovered during a research study that pain from a broken heart registers in the same part of the brain as a broken arm. I wrote a paper about it back in college. I don't remember the exact date, but what does that really matter.

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel
8/17/2016


Saturday, July 30, 2016

The Test....

I hadn't been so tired in what felt like years. I don't normally flop down on a Sunday afternoon and just pass out on the couch for hours, but that's what happened. I had been "burning the wick at both ends", as the quote goes.

But when I woke up and grabbed my phone, there, displayed on my screen, was a surprise text from a friend I hardly ever see, inviting me to a private special event on top of a fancy apartment complex, equipped with a hot tub. It felt like an immediate YES, that was something I felt like dragging my ass to, despite my exhaustion. All he really had to say was HOT TUB to get me motivated. Soaking my bones in the hot water sounded like a slice of heaven to this tired angel.

I threw myself together, jammed a bag full of random items to prepare for partying and swimming, then hit the road.

Upon arrival, the scene was even better than the verbal description. I was mystified by how beautiful this rooftop setting was. Even more so by the human scenery....

I was introduced to one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life. He was like an already airbrushed photoshopped GQ magazine worthy Barbie's Ken Doll. I can't really remember what I said to him, his attraction made me temporarily stupid or something. Sometimes specimens are just so beautiful it can take your breath away in awe.

I was the odd bird at the event, very small private party of close friends, but nobody except the host knew me. I felt like I kept trying to do something, anything to fit in, but kept feeling like it wasn't quite working, like I was a bit of an out-cast. So, I did the best thing I could think of, and what had motivated me to get off the couch in the first place: hit the hot tub.

I slipped off my little white summer dress, and eased myself down into the warm water. It felt glorious. Although it was far off from the party, so I felt kinda strange going off and basically secluding myself.

Shortly after I got my soak on, suddenly, the BEAUTIFUL MAN came along and got into the hot tub with me. Naturally, we ended up in conversation, I have no idea who started it. By that time, I think I had finished 1 glass of wine that the host had happily prepared for me personally, and being a light-weight who doesn't drink much, I was already feeling tipsy.

During conversation, the Beautiful Man mentioned the words...."My Wife...." which obviously became the elephant in the room. I asked him if it was this other girl at the party (who was gorgeous and had been sitting near him), but he said she was traveling out of the country for work. He shot me a somewhat devious, mischievous smile, which I didn't know how to interpret at the moment. I was surprised by his admission of her being away, and I asked him how that was going.....long story short, he revealed to me they'd been having serious problems for a long time, over the past year. Then we were interrupted by a new guest coming up to say hi, so our conversation ended. Then he got out of the hot tub and disappeared for what seemed like an hour at least. I went back to the party, mixed and mingled, talked with others, and tried to fit in,

Suddenly, I thought maybe I should leave, it was nearing midnight and that's usually when I like to get home. I said my goodbyes, and left. I was one foot outside of the apartment complex gate, and once I closed that gate, I couldn't get back in, but something stopped me....I flipped a coin, which told me to go back to the party. So I did.

Eventually, the beautiful man reappeared, and began to play a game. I ended up sitting next to him to watch, rotating where I was sitting around the table to not make it look bad or anything. I just wanted to feel like I was a part of the party, and not be alone in the hot tub the whole time.

Anyway, at the end of the night, we all gathered items to take them back to the room, which turned out to be The Beautiful Man's apartment.....

We were all socializing inside the apartment, until the Beautiful Man announced that he really needed to get ready for bed and go to sleep. (It was probably 1 or 2 am by then, I lost track of time). When he said that, I asked him if I could just use the bathroom before I drove the long drive home across Los Angeles. When I exited the bathroom (and I hadn't even been in there that long!!!), everyone had left, and I was alone with the hot guy.....

Now, anyone rational can see the immediate dilemma here...... I probably don't need to elaborate.
Let's just say, the temptation was REAL, and STRONG. I told him goodbye, and he patted the couch next to him, inviting me to sit by him. It took every ounce of my will to back away towards the front door. Something inside me said: "Whatever it is that you're about to do, don't do it." I inched my back closer to the door, until he'd opened it, and I had exited his apartment. Test complete. I, we, hadn't done something that tempted us that we might or would regret later.

Real life......crazy.



Monday, June 13, 2016

Dealing With Rejection

There was this one time I went out on a first date; we'd met online and his profile sounded perfect to me. Everything he said he was and was looking for, matching what I was, and what I was looking for. To my delight, his pictures looked attractive to me too. Upon receipt of his first message to me, I  felt an immediate connection with him. We had a lot in common and similar interests. We set up an official dinner date, and he planned the details. When I showed up, it was a spectacularly romantic setting. I felt like I was walking into a Paris diner, on a beautiful sunset evening. He was sitting at the bar happily chatting with the staff. When he turned around, I was awe struck, he looked even more handsome in person than in his online photos! We strolled to our table, which the staff had carefully selected for us, knowing it was our first date. Our table was nestled next to a little crackling fire in an old-stone fireplace, on an outdoor patio with tiny lantern lights strewn overhead. Delicate white roses bobbed gently in the breeze next to me, while instrumental music could be heard playing in the background. We had the best first date of my entire life. Everything felt right, good, and the conversation went so smoothly. I felt like I could open up and really talk about a lot of things. He was so kind and chivalrous to me and the staff, it was refreshing. After the date was over, he texted me saying it was a momentous night for him, he called his mom to tell her all about me, and asked when he could see me again. We planned to try to meet the next day....
-But-....by the next day, he was noticeably being distant already. I tried not to put worry into it, but I couldn't figure out why. Then, he told me he needed a rain check and couldn't hang out for the night afterall, so we planned for the next night. By 5pm the next day, I hadn't heard anything from him, so I texted him asking if we were still meeting, or if he'd had a change of heart. His reply sunk my soul. He said meeting me stirred up unresolved feelings for his ex, and he just wanted to be friends. He hasn't spoken to me since. I noticed he got right back on his dating profile though, uploaded an even more sexy revealing photo of himself, and to add insult to injury, he'd added to his profile that girls needed to be at least 5'6" to be compatible with him (I'm 5'4"). So it seemed I'd been rejected for being 2 inches too short for him. I was heartbroken. I know it was only a first date, but it was a profound connection and experience. I will never forget it. Sometimes in life, things just don't work out, no matter how hard you want them to. If it's not right, it's not right, or it could be not the right time. But holding onto to something or someone who's clearly giving you the boot or signal that they don't want you, is reason enough to try to move on. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. You may never know the real reasons if someone doesn't have the courage to tell you to your face. It can feel difficult holding onto faith and having patience for the "right" someone to come along who will be the right puzzle piece for a happy romantic partnership, but when you realize you don't have any other choice in the matter, it may be your only option.

It occurred to me over a week later that it seems like romantic-relationship-seeking is a series of rejecting people and being rejected constantly, until eventually you make a mutual match. Someone who you share a mutual attraction and chemistry with. Your checklist and type you want roughly seems to match someone, and you roughly match what they're looking for, at that moment in time. What people look for in a mate can change over time, as the person changes in their lifetime. With each relationship, you learn a little more: things you definitely don't want to put up with again, traits or behaviors that really don't work for you, but also discovering good things you know that work and are good to have in a relationship. With each relationship being unique, it's unpredictable how it will unravel. Some people find the love of their life very young, like in high school and stay together their whole life. Some people, like a woman I recently met, didn't meet her most profound beloved mate until she was 64 and married him.

One thing that seems important, is you have to do your best to CLEAR your last lover out of your life before you can properly introduce a new one into your energy field. Now of course this method doesn't have to apply to everyone. There are people with multiple lovers, and somehow they manage to all know about each other and respectfully make it work. Some people have secret affairs, some people just "look the other way" knowing that their partner is having an affair. The intricacies for the WHYs for anything going on in any given relationship is only intimately known and understood by the two sharing the romantic relationship. The healthiest and happiest relationships have the best forms of communication and compromise, for everyone's highest good,{ in my opinion.}

~Mandelyn Reese
6/13/2016


Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The Plight of the Common Man

Having been in a stressful position with {in my opinion} a heartless, greedy, uncaring, stingy landlord, it has occurred to me, on some profound level, that something is missing here. The rich elite have lost a large part of their humanity somehow, their ability to sympathize, empathize, have genuine care and compassion for those other souls under their care in some way. Maybe the rich elite own some sort of large business corporation or many rental properties. The goal is always money, more money, power, and control. Acquire more, more, more. At the cost of the common man.

With every new tax, every new rent increase, every new business scheme to tack on some mystery fee or milk just a few extra dollars....makes the common man's life that much harder. With salary increases never keeping up, the common man finds himself having to work more hours, at possibly more than one job. With the new age cut-throat business scene, we see companies laying off their aging workers before they can collect retirement or pensions. What are they to do now? Where are they to turn?

The homeless on the streets seem to be increasing exponentially. You can barely turn a corner without seeing someone panhandling or sleeping on the sidewalk. The common man wonders..."Could this be my future?" as he contemplates living paycheck to paycheck, with ever-mounting debt looming over his head. And yet, the common man usually tries to find some money in his pocket to donate to the poor. At what point does the stress become too much, and the body buckles under the pressure.

Why should the rich man care? He has all he needs and then some. He probably has more money and supply than he could use or spend in his entire lifetime, so he is able to pass it to his heirs. He's so busy figuring out how to amass more wealth, and keep, save, or grow that which he already has an abundance of...without caring for the plight of the common man. The common man who's cleaning the rich man's buildings, taking out the trash, cutting the bushes, fixing roofs, stocking the grocery store, running the cash register, serving his food.

There needs to be more compassion, more caring, more sympathy for the common man. The hard-working middle class. The barely-making-it lower class. The homeless.

With all the technology, all of the medicine, all of the humans we have running around....it's sad that the collective humanity consciousness is in this state. Profits over people. Money over people. Power over others. Oppression creeping in more and more each year. Something is missing.

Remember the plight, and the importance of the common man. His "American Dream" fades with each new tax, every new rent increase, and each new scheme of the rich running Corporate America.

God {please} Bless America. Open their eyes.

~Mandelyn Reese
2/10/16

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Someone Who Changes You


Have you ever heard that saying, "Find or be with someone who doesn't try to change you"? Well I call BS. Relationships change us. We and everything else are in constant change. Hardly anything stays the same for long. Even two people married for an entire lifetime see their bodies and lives change constantly around them. Love is what holds people together. But even love, especially romantic love, shapeshifts and changes form in relationships. Ever known two people who looked so happy and doing well only to end up getting a divorce? Ever know people who looked happy together for years then suddenly hate each other?

Romantic love changes us. Whether the person openly tries to change the other person or it's done subtly, sometimes changes happen very gradually over time. A person can change so much from a romantic relationship, that by time they're deep into one, they're nothing like the person they once were before.

Romantic love can make us better people too. It all depends on the two people and the nature of the progression of the relationship. Each relationship is a completely unique encounter, because each of us are individual souls and a unique entity.

People try to cling onto and hold onto someone, because they fear the changes or losing them. In the end, all relationships "end" at some point, because inevitable literal death occurs. Even people married once and staying with their one same mate for their entire lifetime in this embodiment: one and then the other will eventually die.

If you watch the movie "Lucy", they state "We never really die". So what is death? Just another change/transition? It's also said in the movie that if you speed up something infinitely fast, it disappears...it's time, time that defines us. A time we hold for awhile in some sort of space. I can go on and on and seemingly make no sense of life and the mysteries of the universe. I wish my mind could understand even more. Maybe the more wisdom that comes, the more life becomes easier to navigate, and make more sense.

Are we just meant to have endless amount of relationships and experiences with our consciousness and awareness? Are we just souls flitting around like butterflies, getting to grace each other's lives for a time, then move along to whatever the future is?

You can feel abundantly sad over romantic love changing or fading, or you can just get stronger and adapt better, and accept times of release, change, and transition. I'm not sure there is any avoiding it for long. You can feel abundantly sad over the fact that people grow old, people die, relationships end, people get sick.....or you can just learn to appreciate each day. Be grateful for whatever you have, when you have it. And when it leaves your hands, be grateful you had it, had the experience, had the love...and be open to whatever is coming next.

~Mandelyn Reese
1/30/16



Monday, January 4, 2016

The Stone

"To a person that overcomes...I will give a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knows except the one that receives it." Revelation 2:17
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I settled myself as comfortably as I could into my seat on the airplane. I was about to fly from my hometown of San Antonio to my home of Los Angeles after my holiday trip to be with family over Christmas and New Year's. I said a little prayer to the Universe to please have it be a safe flight with smooth takeoff and landing.

After a wonderfully smooth takeoff, I decided to pull out a book I'd purchased just before Thanksgiving: Imagine Heaven, by John Burke. Something about it had given me the impulse to buy it. I hadn't read much of it, but what I had read so far was fascinating and definitely made sense to me, based on my past experiences. {Read my entry about Meeting God}

I only read about 4 pages from where I'd left off, before I put the book away, curled up in a blanket, and took a rest against the window. But one of the passages from the book that I remembered due to it's uniqueness stuck with me, and would become so much more significant within just a few short hours.


"To everyone who is victorious...I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name, that no one understands except the one who receives it." Revelation 2:17 NLT

My friend was kind enough to pick me up from the airport and take me home. I took some of my things and headed up the stairs to unlock my apartment.

Upon reaching the door to my apartment, there, hanging ever so delicately from my door knob, was a tiny velvet bag, light-blue in color. I carefully removed the sachel from my doorknob, and entered my apartment to examine it further. There was no wording on the velvet bag, and no mention of who it was from. I opened the drawstrings, and found soft white tissue. I gently unwrapped the tissue, revealing a beautiful white stone, and upon it's surface, a lotus flower was beautifully engraved....



A lotus flower....often used in the spiritual realm to describe the struggle of the soul through challenges and hardships, unfolding into a graceful elegant bloom from the depths of murky waters. 
Ironically, it's a flower that, if I ever chose to get more tattoos, I wanted inked on my lower back with flowing petals near my root chakra, to represent the progressive growth and awakening up my spine along my other chakras, to a more beautiful higher conscious being.

I was overwhelmed with awe at this finding. To me it was more solid proof that there is massive mystery to the Universe and God. That all my research lately into Heaven and spirituality is pointing to a still undefined truth.... There is so much more to life than so many other people realize. If only they could become more conscious of it. 

~~~~~~

I busied myself settling in after my long trip. I began to unpack a few things, all the while thinking deeply about the white stone and the quote I'd just read in the book. I felt dumbfounded with gratitude. My efforts are being acknowledged by realms and dimensions I still don't fully understand. 

Then, there was a knock at my door. It was a Fed Ex guy, holding a rather large box. I accepted it and examined the label. It was from one of my bestest longtime friends who lives in Dallas. I had no idea she was going to send me something. I grabbed my scissors and cut open the slits of the box, then dug through all the wrapping inside to reveal an ever-so-special second surprise within just minutes from the stone discovery. An angel teddy bear. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. I lifted the teddy bear's tshirt to find the tag, and upon seeing the words, "Build A Bear", I burst into tears.
You see, on my flight to San Antonio for Christmas, I had secretly thought in my heart and mind to myself how cool it would be to be like a kid and take myself to the Build-A-Bear store and buy a cute teddy bear. But I hadn't told a soul. In fact, I'd forgotten all about the fact that I'd thought it to myself just 2 weeks earlier. My friend Tiff, who is like a second sister to me, had sent me a secret Christmas wish. I immediately called her and left her a message to thank her.


Life and the Universe are mysterious. You CAN manifest the things you want, even secret desires. You never know WHEN (or if) they'll arrive, but when they do, it's surely an overwhelming happy time, knowing that the universe responded to your call.

Watch my LIVE talk shows at 1pm PDT on January 7th & 21st on TradioV.com (or watch the show later on the website if you can't watch it live) to see more on these stories and tips on manifesting your wants and needs. 

~Namaste~
Mandelyn Reese
The LA Street Angel
TheStreetAngel.com
1-4-2016