Monday, January 23, 2017

The LSD Experience

Disclaimer: Please read this with an open mind, without judging me for trying a new experience of my own free will choice.
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Saturday 1/21/2017-
{Continuing story from my last blog entry: "Burn Out"}
I had been feeling overwhelmingly burned out in recent days, extending back into December 2016. Many heavy emotions of sadness, anger, and despair had been releasing from the depths of my soul.
It was almost more than I could bare, but I did...

I pulled together what little energy and effort I had left in my body to get dressed for a big music and dance event in the spiritual community that was happening in downtown Los Angeles.

As I got close to the venue, I gasped with how crowded it was, cars stacked up and people jammed the streets everywhere. It almost felt as bad as being in Time Square, New York City. I thought to myself that it would take a miracle of God for me to find a free parking spot with it like this. I prayed and asked for a spot. Low and behold, I turned a corner, and there, almost like it was waiting for me, was a free parking spot. God and the Universe had made it happen. I happily parked, and put on my angel wings. I grabbed my old reliable poster that says: "Be Kind. Be Positive. Be Giving." And started making my way the one block walk towards the venue.

Just a few steps along the sidewalk, and I found a big poster just leaned against a trash can, like it too, was put there just for me. It proudly had printed on it in big red letters: "I March for ALL Woman-Kind." Seemed perfectly appropriate of a sign for me to promote, considering all the various posters of unity, peace, and positivity that I have been promoting for over 4 years now, all over the country and social media. I happily collected up the new sign, and took it with me into the event. Luckily, the owner of the event knows me, and supports my Angel Project mission. They let me in with my posters, knowing that I mean well.
 


As I was wondering around promoting my giant new poster, a "tall, dark, and handsome" guy appeared beside me. We began to chat, and I told him about my Angel Project. We hit it off and had a lot in common, discovering we were both from my hometown in Texas and went to the same college in different years. I never got his full name, and he doesn't live in Los Angeles, but what he offered me that night changed my life...

After hanging out with him for probably an hour around the event, he suddenly offered to give me LSD. I was immediately unsure, and I'm always VERY cautious about drugs, both prescription and recreational. I'd never tried it before, but I have actually heard "good" things about it from others. I told him that I'd have to go check in with some of my friends who look out for me, and let them know the proposal, and get their opinion. The old friend I approached about it actually seemed shocked and surprised that I'd never tried it before. He seemed to give me the green-light, and said he'd keep an eye on me. So, with some reassurance that my angel brothers would have my back in case anything went wrong, I decided to go for it. Take the risk and try something new.

The guy took out what looked like a round mint sort of. Since I'm so small in size and a light-weight with low-tolerance to pretty much everything including alcohol, I only bit off half of it.
After a little while, all I knew was that I felt just "good" and "happy" in general. But I was generally having a great time, the event was cool and the guy was fun to talk to.

Then I began to yawn, and I took that as my "cue" that I should leave. It was about 12:12am. It's my MO {mode of operation} to leave events around midnight because that's when I start getting tired, plus the later it gets, the drunker and more drugged out other people get, and their "dark" sides come out, so I like to vacate the premise, for my safety and comfort. Besides, IF I was going to feel anything from taking it, I preferred to be home safe in my sanctuary away from strangers to experience it.

So, the guy walked me to my car. He was very concerned about me driving having just taken the LSD, but I felt completely fine and assured him I was ok. I drove safely home, and took a shower. Then it finally started to kick in.

What followed, was an epic mind-altering life-changing experience that I will never forget.

I felt WIRED. Like 12 cups of coffee only not with the caffeine scatterbrained agitation that goes with it. I was running all over my apartment doing things, but it felt like I was operating from a "higher level of mental cognition" than usual. {If you Google spiders on drugs" IMAGES you'll see that the spider on LSD made a cool-looking web, compared to the one on caffeine that was all skewed and bizarre.}

Eventually, I decided to slow myself down and meditate on this substance, to see what my experience would be. So I laid down in the middle of my living room on my back, with my eyes closed. What I saw, will forever stick in my memory. I don't even have enough words to accurately describe the fascination and beauty that I saw behind my eyelids. The best words that I can describe it are: Even though my eyes were closed, creating a "blackness", this blackness was alive with rainbow-colored light, taking the shape of shape-shifting sacred geometry patterns, moving rapidly in all directions like a combination of fireworks and shooting stars, both crashing into each other and moving away from each other. If you look up the famous modern day artist Alex Grey, and some others, they have been able to paint or draw some versions of these images. It was EPIC.

Then, I realized, if it's so cool with my eyes closed, what would my experience be like with my eyes  OPEN? So I opened my eyes and just stared at my lumpy white ceiling. Within seconds, my ceiling came ALIVE with movement and colors, swirling with majestic beauty and grace like a Monet or Picasso painting.

Then I decided that I would stare at a rug on my wall. I have 3 different rugs on my wall, each with their own unique patterns and colors. The first rug that I stared at was my favorite experience of them all. This particular rug is covered in various flowers and leaves patterns. When I set my focus upon it, the whole thing became like a 4 or 5 dimensional experience of colors and movement that seemed to stick out from the wall. The flowers looked like real lotus blooms, with each petal gently dancing in a soft breeze. I verbally exclaimed "Holy Shit!!" It was just so amazing I even cried a little because it was so beautiful. I couldn't believe this type of experience was possible. That my mind was capable of producing this sort of perception from a "flat" image of a rug.

I took turns meditating on each rug to see what it would look like. My second rug was exceptionally rainbow colored, and moved like an ocean with a sunset reflected on it, even though without LSD it looks just red and gold lines and circles normally.

I couldn't close my eyes or sleep, until about 8am, when I finally realized that I was feeling tired, so I attempted to go to bed.

I felt like this experience made me realize that I do have a massive impact on my reality, but in an amazing co-creation with "God" or the "Universe" or whatever word you want to assign to whatever fills our life experience that our 5 senses capture as stimuli and is processed through the mind for interpretation. It lead me to believe that I am indeed a speck of God spark, experiencing the world through one little pair of eyes, and yet I was able to feel connectedness with both the dust floating around my apartment air, and the particles in the emptiness of outer space, that all is connected. All is beautiful and sacred, holy, and magnificent.

I've been a supporter of DARE ironically, and I encourage people NOT to try drugs like heroine or meth. I used to be a Supervisor for 2 years at a facility that housed women recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, and what I saw was definitely sad and not pretty stories of women who hit drugs hard, and the consequences they suffered for it. If others decide they want to consider trying a little LSD at least once in life, just make sure you're not MIXING it with other things including alcohol, are in a safe environment, let a close trusted friend know that you're about to try it just in case, and have a TON of water around to drink!!!

~Mandelyn Reese
1/23/2017

P.S. Any negative feedback will result in me blocking you.



Sunday, January 22, 2017

Burn Out

Today was a historical day in American History. An *estimated* 750,000 people, {the majority being women} marched in downtown LOS ANGELES and millions of others in the streets all over the country, promoting a whole variety of different posters. Some were positive, some were hopeful, some were dark, some were fighting, some for unity, some for peace, some against Trump....

But something was missing.....and it was me. The Street Angel missed out on the epic Women's National Day to March. Why? Would be your immediate question..

Because I was burned out. I'd hit a wall. I fizzled out. I've been so tired, so worn out.
I've already been Marching all over America for over 4 years with my angel wings and various posters. I literally had no energy left to give. I tried to get out of bed this morning, but my body was DONE. I had to go back to bed. I couldn't even get myself up until 1:30pm. I had to give MYSELF a break. The word "hibernation" entered my mind. I needed to recharge.
What has happened to me?
I don't really know what I'm going through, as a soul, as myself.
I've been feeling lost, confused, wondering if I should move back home to Texas, or move somewhere totally new?
I have no idea what's next for me.
I feel like I'm in this weird limbo stage.

Luckily, by like 6:30pm, I finally was able to step foot outside of my apartment. I managed to drag myself to the grocery store. I put on my angel wings, and walked around the store, like I always do.

I have to forgive myself for missing out on this historical day, for women everywhere. But I have to give myself a break, and credit. That I've been doing the best I can, until I can give almost no more.
My blood, sweat, tears, body, strength, energy, money. Devoted to my mission.

The Universe, God, had my back though. Because I finally got up enough energy to go out to an event, and on my walk towards it, I found a Women's Day poster. I was grateful. So I marched around with the sign from my car for a few blocks, with crowds all around, while I made my way to the event. They know me at this event, they know about my mission and what I've been striving to do. They let me pass in, with my wings, signs, posters, the whole 9 yards. I was grateful.

I missed the daytime March, but I did my own in the evening, with the energy I had left. Besides, I do the poster March most days of the year anyway. :)

~Mandelyn Reese
The Street Angel
1/22/2017  1:30am

P.S. Could my dress be anymore EPIC and MEANINGFUL TODAY?! In memory of Princess Leia, Carrie Fisher. Her role in Star Wars was epic for women in general.